The Single, Most Important Skill You Need to Build Stronger Relationships
If you’re like most of us, the last couple of years has truly taxed some of our fundamental skills that came second nature to us in the pre-pandemic workplace — like interpersonal communication. We’ve experienced fewer in-person interactions, and the meaningful connections that often would result from them are hindered because of face masks. Most of us rely on facial expressions to understand what other people are conveying, and when we have masks on, it’s much harder to understand one another. Digital communication provides another set of challenges. These interpersonal skills are just one of the many skills upon which the pandemic has taken its toll, but they are the key building blocks for strong relationships.
You can sharpen your interpersonal skills right now by developing stronger self-awareness. Before you skip on thinking that you’re already self-aware, make sure you check out our blog about the basics of self-awareness, including how only 10–15% of people are truly self-aware.
Self-Awareness and Startup Success
Self-awareness is a critical skill for those in the entrepreneurial ecosystem (e.g., entrepreneurs, investors, startup leaders). It’s actually important for anyone who interacts with others in any capacity, but it’s absolutely essential for anyone in a leadership position.
You can develop your self-awareness if, and only if, you’re willing to put in the time and effort. I won’t lie, developing self-awareness is not easy. We’re only human, so we’re not the best at seeing ourselves candidly, critically, and we often don’t want to face our weaknesses. After we do, however, the payoffs make the hard work worthwhile. For instance, scientific research has linked higher self-awareness to:
- Leadership effectiveness
- Developing relationships with stakeholders
- Increased follower satisfaction
- Increased success of organizational change efforts
- Enhanced perceptions of authentic leadership
- Higher levels of productivity
Some signs that you might be lacking in self-awareness include being defensive, never taking the blame for anything, or not being able to laugh at yourself. Here are 5 ways you can improve your self-awareness and refresh your interpersonal skills for post-pandemic life.
(1) Assessments
One way to help see yourself more clearly and build self-awareness is to take a psychometric assessment. And no, I’m not talking about one of those quizzes that tells you what Avenger you are based on your personality (btw, I’m Hawkeye). I’m talking about investing time in a valid, scientific assessment that captures your personality (i.e., patterns of how you typically think, feel, and act). Here is a free personality assessment designed by personality scientists and a free interest assessment that can get you started. And as an added bonus, here’s a free 2-min entrepreneurship self-efficacy assessment.
One thing to keep in mind about assessments is that most of them are general and only apply across situations broadly. When personality assessments consider the context or situation, they are more likely to be precise and useful. At Blackhawke, we built a personality assessment designed specifically for those building companies so that entrepreneurs could have a clear understanding of how their personality acts as an asset or liability for their performance in a variety of different entrepreneurial activities.
(2) Discovery
Another thing you can do to gain self-awareness is to hang out with yourself and learn more about yourself. Ask yourself the following questions:
- What do I value?
- What do I enjoy?
- What do I want out of life?
- What kind of environment do I need to be happy?
- How do I tend to behave?
- What traits are characteristic of and unique to me?
- What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses?
- What kinds of people compliment me and my personality?
Take time to write down the answers to each of these questions. Set them aside for a while, then come back and review. Did you sketch an accurate image of yourself?
(3) Reflection
A third way to gain awareness is to reflect on your behavior over a recent period of time, say a week. You might even try building in time at the end of each night to replay your day and review your behavior. Some helpful questions to consider when analyzing your recent behavior at work include:
- What impression did I like to make on my team today?
- Did my behavior match the impression I wanted to make?
- How did my team members respond to my behavior?
(4) Perspective-Taking
A more challenging, but crucial exercise is to engage in perspective-taking. When individuals take the perspective of another (imaging how the other might feel in a situation), not only are they more clearly able to see how others view themselves and adjust accordingly, but they also are likely to be empathetic. Empathy is critical for relationship building and interpersonal communication.
So begin by thinking back on interpersonal interactions you have had over the last week. What kind of messages did your behavior communicate to others? In other words, observe your behaviors from another’s viewpoint. In order to truly be self-aware, you must understand how others view you
(5) Feedback
Seeking feedback from your friends and family is another great way to improve self-awareness and in turn your interpersonal communication skills. So be humble, open, and willing to learn. When others provide feedback, ensure that you are listening and carefully consider what they are telling you. Try not to dismiss the feedback when you don’t like what you hear.
Conclusion
It might be hard to admit, but diminished time in person with colleagues and teammates has likely taken its toll on your interpersonal communication skills, a workplace skill ranked as one of the most important by employers in 2022. Understanding who you are and how others see you can help you to improve interpersonal communication because it helps you figure out how you can work best with others and effectively lead.
We didn’t want to overwhelm you with too much information about self-awareness, but there is definitely a lot more! We didn’t even get to touch on how a team can have collective self-awareness and what that means for team performance. Stay tuned for our next blog, covering this topic.
Printable Worksheet: To thank you for investing your time in reading our blog, here is a free self-awareness worksheet.
Self-Awareness Podcast: Did you enjoy this article and want to learn more? Check out this podcast where my co-founder and I talk about how self-awareness is the meta-skill of the 21st century.
About Blackhawke Behavior Science
Want to learn more about building a strong entrepreneurial team and healthy organizational culture? Visit Blackhawke’s Medium publication, From I-O to IPO, or www.blackhawke.io and get social with us on Facebook, Linkedin, Instagram, or Twitter!
